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| hi xangaland.
it's been quite a while, huh?
i really shouldn't even xanga anymore because, i mean...who does that? 
i have a 9am-10:30pm day tomorrow, but so many things have been on my heart lately. a lot of:
- wow God is so good to me. He's been opening RIDICULOUS doors, especially this past summer, and i feel so so blessed. but even though i know in my soul that He delights in me and He actually favors me out of billions of people in the world...why don't i want to get to know Him more? it boggles my mind. christians truly have their seasons...
- dating. maybe it's because my church is doing a 7-week (...maybe 4 weeks too long) sermon series on marriage, everyone and their mom has dating on their mind lately. i have my own qualms about the specifics, sigh.
- i end school in about 6 weeks. hopefully forever. two xanga entries ago, i was just starting Video Symphony. now i'm almost done. how does a year pass by so quickly? do i have to get a REAL job soon? darnit.
- should i give up xanga and start a blog? it seems like all the cool kids are doing it.
- time for some serious sleep. good night, world. find me on facebook instead.
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| i haven't posted on xanga in so long that i forgot how to navigate around it. it's almost april 2009! miss me, loyal readers? 
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| a monthly update.
it's a rarity to be at home by myself without my sister and my parents around. i don't think i've had alone time at home for weeks, even months. i didn't know what to do with myself so here i am, blogging on a pretty much obsolete xanga. but to those very few avid readers: here is an update.
i got to visit my beloved sd folk last weekend and wow, it was a whirlwind. a very fun whirlwind but at the same time extremely exhausting. to those i couldn't spend more time with, i'll come visit again :). i don't think i've been around young people in a while -- not that i'm saying i'm old or anything, but the people that i interact with daily are at least over 25 years of age -- and so to see the wonderful and lovely smiling faces of ccmers and harborites was truly a blessing. but not gonna lie, i was instantly overwhelmed with fatigue. you're looking at a girl who now has NO problem going to sleep at 8:30pm because of a very tiring 12 hour workday.. it's sad. truly. but san diego, though tiring, was an amazing vacation away. i got to spend five hours at the spa with morgan, go apple picking with beloveds, and visit Harbor, my home for the past four years.
it's funny to think about how much life has changed in the 4 months i've been at home. i went to a Members Seminar yesterday at my new church, Pacific Crossroads, and it kind of scared me. i've only been "settled" in PCC for a month and i'm already thinking of joining as a member? what? i wasn't a member of Harbor until the middle of my 2nd year in college. and to transfer membership to PCC would mean "officially" leaving a home i held so dear to my heart for four years.
but why not? why not get committed here and now? it's not only what i can do for the church but what the church can do for me.. but i'm ridiculously scared. i think joining PCC means that i'm officially a los angelean, that i'm here for at LEAST another 14 months. i lived this summer with a lot of anxiety, yes, but i also treated it as an extended vacation. but it's the middle of october. i'm here. not there. here. God has a plan for me here.
as life starts to slow down, it picks up speed right away.
i start classes at Video Symphony on tuesday. i'm enrolled in a 14-month editing program and i'm scared of this, too! i haven't taken classes in 7 months. big deal, right? IT IS A BIG DEAL! that's the longest i've gone without taking classes. but at the same time, this is really the first time i'm studying something i really and truly love.
i also start another internship next week. and yes, to those who haven't heard, i'm rolling with the Snoop to the D-o-double-g. life is crazy. God is crazy.
and it's true what they say: life in los angeles can get pretty lonely. don't get me wrong - i absolutely LOVE it here (exhibit A: i ate next to Elijah Wood last night!) and i have my family and friends but something about the vastness of this city makes it a bit lonesome.
i'm not going to go into who and what i miss because i miss a lot of people and things. but God placed me here and though i don't know what's really going to happen next, i know He's shaping me into the person He intended me to be.
until next time, loyal readers 
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| it's crazy to think that God will touch your life in ways that were never expected and instantly humbling. i've been grumbling about not having money lately, but on a far deeper level, i really do worry about it. i know money shouldn't rule my life, and yet, it is the determining factor of so many things. i worry because i don't want my parents supporting me forever and well.. to be independent, if you catch my drift. i unfortunately didn't win the tea scholarship (THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!) and i know that a 1 in 700 chance of winning is slim. but it would've saved me thousands of dollars if i had gotten it. oh well, there are always other scholarships.
but back to God: i'm afraid to admit that i haven't lifted up these burdens/cares--or any recent matters--up to God this summer. as if i could do this on my own, as if i were controlling everything. and though He's blessed me with 2 wonderfully challenging internships--internships that come with difficult co-workers and my own prideful struggles--i never thought to pray about my financial worries. so when it came time to pay for my church's rather pricey fall retreat, i immediately didn't even consider going. why? because it would cost $175. but this past sunday, after my friend told me she was going on this retreat by herself, i wanted to know about the retreat scholarships that they were giving out. when i inquired about it, the woman at the registration table instantly said, "you're covered." that's it? no, there has to be a catch..
there was no catch; just a friendly reminder from God that He is faithful in all situations. it was a reminder to look to Him, to delight in Him, and to pray. some actions that i've seriously been lacking. instantly humbling.
on another note,
a bunch of my friends have left / will leave on a jet plane and WILL be back again but i'm still sad that they're gone/going. new zealand, hotlanta, china.. how wonderfully exciting yet so scary at the same time. i can relate to their pre-departure nerves - i had the exact same "WHAT THE FREAK AM I DOING?" / "wow..i'm really going" feelings when i flew to paris 2 years ago. everything is crazy, and all you want to do is sit. or clean. or sit. and think. i know you guys will be back soon (be it 4 months or 3 yrs) and i'll dearly miss you! know that my thoughts are with you :) stay strong!
last week, my sister, mama, and i went to the venice canals in venice beach, ca. HOW ROMANTICAL and MAGICAL. i will post pictures soon. i'm gonna say it again: i love LA and love to explore it and i love being back. but i also love sf (which i will be visiting tomorrow through monday!!!) and sd (which i will be visiting in mid-sept or early oct!!!)
i'll post pictures next week. :) was that a good enough update? | | |
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